Thinking Outloud

There are many popular personality type indicators that help us to understand our natural tendencies & strengths. For example, Myers Briggs Type Indicator, DISC profile, Sparketypes, & Human Design just to name a few.

In my Human Design I’m a Projector with emotional authority. I am meant to take my time & make decisions based on how it feels in my gut. Most recently I took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator administered by a fellow life coach. I was surprised by the results. I am now an ENFJ (Extroversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judging). This is totally aligned with my Human Design.

When I took the Myers Briggs for the first time in 1988. I was an ENTJ(Extroversion, Intuition, Thinking, Judging). In those days we took the test on paper. Remember paper? On the day we received our results, the psychology professor who administered the test asked to see me privately in his office. I thought, “This is not good! I’ve flunked the Meyers- Briggs”! In a way that was true.

Once in his office the professor said, “You did not answer a single question from a feeling perspective. That is not normal. Get some therapy.” WOW! I had completely disowned my feelings. Living with a lifetime of trauma, I had on some level, chosen not to feel.

I didn’t know it at the time, but Dr. Lacey saved my life that day. I heeded his advice. I got a lot of therapy that eventually led to a spiritual journey in 12-Step recovery. Many years later I found Wayfinder Life Coach training and astounding levels of pure magic operating in my life. I still do a lot of thinking but its no longer in the driver’s seat of my life. How I feel in my body & especially in my heart guides me.

Today I’m taking a deep dive into family research, understanding ancestral medicine & engaging with what remains of my living extended family. I’m also re- membering all the parts I disowned, including the excitement, passion, intensity, unique genius and deep sadness within me.

I believe my process is about claiming & reclaiming all that I’ve disowned about myself as well as my family. Disowning, secrets, “fake it till you make it” are what I did & what my family did to survive. We were doing the best we could.

Recently I came across the metaphor of Kintsugi. Wikipedia describes it this way. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — a metaphor for embracing your flaws and imperfections.

This speaks to me now. It says, “claim it all”. Welcome in every part of me, my story & the story of my family. Do it with compassion, understanding & loving kindness. The broken pieces are being re-membered with gold. I think it could turn out to be a work of art.